Resiliency: A Year in Review

Resiliency: A Year in Review

written by Leslie McQuilkin, MA- LDR

War, violence, disease, illness, poverty, racism, discrimination, and hate have one thing in common- survival. I met someone this year that learned how to survive and thrive; in my mind, she epitomized the word resiliency.  Nita was her name; I say was because Nita lost her battle with cancer after 30+ courageous years of learning how to live. She had purpose and she was my friend though 40+ years my senior. Life was simple to Nita- we live, we learn, we make our mark, and then like all creatures we die. Life to Nita was indeed more difficult to endure than most of us have or will experience yet she showed some significant appreciation for this suffering. Like most people that I have met this year, in fact all that can be defined as resilient find the same thing to be true for their suffering as well. This story is going to be about Nita- well a tribute to her life and a document of her legacy. Not unlike the rest of us, Nita was a mother, a grandmother, and wife. She had hobbies, a career, and had desires. Cancer hit Nita much unlike how it hits most people; she inherited as did her daughter a rare form of genetically transmitted aggressive breast cancer. Two months before Nita passed away, she had to bury her 44 year old daughter who lost her battle with the metastatic breast cancer that Nita was fighting as well. I often sat with Nita and her Husband Earl and just talked. I once asked her as we sat on her couch, “tell me about unconditional love Nita…” and she said with a serious face, “to love me unconditionally is to love me even when I am so ugly and I do not mean bald and vomiting…”. Earl chimes in as well, “she is right you know, we love each other when we need it the most- when we are mean, cranky, crying, or just plain hateful… we love each-other no matter what…” Earl and Nita had been married for 3+ decades, they were not what society or cinema displays as the perfect married couple but they were sure happy. Together they overcame so much and in this process developed a bond that is even unbreakable in death. One day, I asked Nita how her chemo was coming along and if the tumors that had developed in her lungs had shrunk in size and it was then I could tell that the cancer had taken her body over physically. She informed me that the chemo was to be stopped indefinitely and she would live her life out the best she could with the time she had left. I said nothing, because my face said it all. Nita immediately said, “I did not lose and I did not give up, there are just some battles we must let take their course… cancer has not taken my spirit, my soul, or my desire to make a difference… it is just taking my physical body…” – wow. She was not fibbing either. Nita was heavily involved in Relay For Life for many years, she was determined to help find a cure for this disease so her young granddaughters would not face the same fate as their great grandmother, grandmother, and mother have succumbed to. I remember going to a Relay For Life bank night and receiving a message on my phone, word for word here it is:

Les, this is Nita (raspy and weakened voice), I have just been released from ICU and I need to get by the bank so I will be late… but we have raised $3600 and want to bring it in…

My heart just swelled with pride, awe, love, and then my eyes filled with sad tears- the tears were not for Nita. My tears were for everyone who turned us down for funds in this race against cancer because they are too busy or too good to donate a dollar. Nita is dying, tired, sick, and swamped with her own bills still managed to stay committed to this cause- the worst part is, no one would have looked down on Nita if she had simply raised money to help her pay her own medical bills.

The town rallied around Nita and her family in her last few months, it is my hope that we gave her everything she wanted- a community bound tight in the fight against cancer. There was something about Nita that made us all want to be better people; her resiliency and faith was infectious and ignited the flames of hope in others that had long since died. Those flames still shine bright today. Nita may you rest in peace, your fight continues here and we promise to never give up.